Right now I'm reading The 4 Seasons of Marriage, by Gary Chapman. I'm not done yet, but I recommend. I've read through the seasons, and it was so easy for me to know which one I feel like we're in right now.
Not going to discuss that here, but I am going to discuss the first part of the second half--strategies.
Last night I read Strategy 1, Deal with Past Failures.
Wow. Yes. And, this will be painful.
Today I realized, not only does this need to be done within marriages, but also within friendships as well.
Glossing over hurts and pretending they are not there does no one any favors. It makes things worse.
So, if there is any family member or friend of mine out there that wishes to enter the pain zone with me, by the love of the Lord let's do it.
Here are the steps of dealing with past failures: identifying past failures, confession and repentance, and forgiveness.
Identifying past failures: Each person makes two lists.
List one: listing all the ways you can think of that you might have hurt/let down the other person. Asking close family members/friends who know both of you well and have seen you interact for additional info is recommended.
List two: listing all the ways you feel the other person has hurt you. Start everything in this list with "I felt" or "I feel".
Then, compare lists.
Confess, repent, forgive.
Sounds so easy, doesn't it. That's cute, let's make lists and be all better again. But bringing up old wounds that haven't healed is messy business. Not to be done by the faint hearted.
May God give us wisdom to deal with our sin! And to be broken before Him.
I'll admit, I'm prideful and selfish, and the thought of knowing how I've hurt other people isn't that appealing to me, but I think I need that pain to grow.
Just saw Inside Out last night with the kids--I liked how Sadness was needed to deal with the pain and bring back Joy.
Good movie, we all really liked it. I even cried when the imaginary friend gave his life.
How God loves it when we turn in our pain of sin and repent, and restore our fellowship with Him.
I know you know this, but wow, it always amazes me when I realize how patient God is with us. How much He puts up with in dealing with us. And wow, He gave His life for us. That kind of love is overwhelming and so undeserved.
God, please help me be broken in my failings, and not let the evil one take hold in my life, saying that my feelings/thoughts/actions are justified because of how someone else is acting.
Please help me be like You. Patient, loving, kind, merciful, full of grace, truth, and self control!
3 days ago